Evidence suggests that in any sort of counselling or therapy, the therapeutic relationship or alliance is the most important predictor of positive outcomes for the client. Therefore, in order to get to know her a little more, in this article Dr Hannah introduces herself and shares the values and compassion she brings to her work.

This is my first article for my website. I’ve been working in the field of mental health for over 20 years and in private practice for nearly 8 years now. However, I’ve always shied away from writing this, as my tricky brain starts to interfere. Thoughts such as “don’t make it boring”, “who is even going to read this?” and “what useful things have you got to say Hannah?” kick in. Blimey, that’s a lot of mind chatter to deal with even before I’ve even begun to think about what I’m going to say! Can you see why I’ve put it off?!

I’ve learnt that, it rarely helps to listen to that negative mind chatter. What often helps is to think about why it’s important that I try and still do something, even if it makes me nervous. In terms of this article, I want to give my readers and potential clients a good sense of who I am and what I am about. One of the main predictors of positive therapy outcomes is the client/therapist relationship. Choosing your therapist carefully is really important.

I’m also passionate about normalising the experience of mental health and I hope this articles goes someway in doing this. Therefore, I’m going to be gentle on myself, pay less attention to the mind chatter and focus on how this might help someone.

Doing what matters

I’m putting myself out there, feeling vulnerable and doing it anyway because I believe it matters. I’m often asking my clients to do this and so it’s important I try and do this myself.

One fact about me is that I love music. I wouldn’t pigeonhole myself into a certain genre, you’re just as likely to see my singing along to some Diana Ross as you are to the Stone Roses (it’s the Mancunian in me!). This made choosing my first article title pretty easy. Many of you will have heard the song “this is me” taken from the Greatest Showman film. Apart from it being an absolute tune, there is a lot about the lyrics which are massively important, mainly being proud of imperfection.

But this article isn’t about my taste in music. It’s about showing up and telling you what I’m about and and what I believe in. Telling you why I do this job and what matters.

I’m not going to reel off my qualifications, or what training I’ve been on. Although it definitely matters that I’m qualified and have a regulatory body. What also really matters is the values I bring to my job and my life.  These are values of non-judgement, empathy, courage, compassion and warmth.

If someone was to ask me why I do this job, this first thing that comes to mind is that as a human, I know that life can feel very challenging. I want to help and support others who are struggling. I can relate with empathy to my clients who are finding life tricky.

What are my values?

One of my core beliefs is that all humans experience challenges in life. We all have our own story,  and we carry these around with us. Yes, some of us are luckier than others however it is just that- luck. No-one asks to be born in the lives, brains or bodies we are born into. Therefore, we all just find ourselves here on this earth. We have brains that can be both amazing and hard work, and we are trying to do our best. If as a group we can remember that I could be in your shoes, and you in mine, it’s a good start for us understanding each other more. It helps us to hold more compassion for ourselves and others. We call this our common humanity.

Connecting with the human in every person is a core aspect of compassion- something I’m incredibly passionate about.

Although it’s a cliche, therapy is about going on a journey of self-discovery and i’m there to support my clients along the way.

We are all human

It’s so important to get the message out there to people that if you are struggling with your well-being then you are not alone! The older (and hopefully wiser) I become, I have realised this more and more. As I allow this to sink in, it’s helps my own well-being significantly. If you scratch below the surface with many people, we come to realize that they often are dealing with something tricky. You might not see it, and it might not be obvious, but it’s likely to be there.

It’s not that we want others to struggle. It’s just that in knowing this, it can prevent the feeling of loneliness that so many have when they feel like they are the only one suffering. A feeling like we are on our own and everyone else is doing just fine. Knowing that struggle is part of the human condition connects us as humans. Feeling connected to others is so positive for our emotional and physical well-being.

Many of my clients are fearful there is something wrong with them, that they are weak, or that they should always have their shit together. Trust me, this is impossible. No-one totally has their shit together. They might look like they have, but 99.9% of the time, there is usually always something else happening for that person going on behind the scenes. I’m privileged that I get to witness and help with what goes on “behind the scenes” but many others don’t. As such, this can make it hard for people to truly believe just how many people are struggling out there.

Once we can acknowledge that our struggles are valid, understandable and not a sign of weakness, this opens us up to working on them. The shame associated with not being on tip top form at all times dissipates. We are then able to get the support we need from ourselves, from therapy, or from family/friends.

Acknowledging our struggles give us the freedom to address them.

This allows a connection with others which can stop us feeling so alone. It allows us to improve ourselves and our relationships. I believe that in doing this work for myself, I can authentically work with my clients. It takes courage to acknowledge this and it’s not always easy. But trust me, the benefits can be great. 

Holding onto this view allows me to work with my clients to help them make sense of their own struggles, no matter how big or small.  It’s all relative. What seems like nothing to one person, might be major for another.

Life throws a lot at us, whether it relates to our life experiences growing up, or being blindsided by something as a grown adult or both. Most of us aren’t immune from this. We’re often left feeling a bit battered and tender. Some people are left with feelings of anxiety, anger, stress or depression, or just a sense of feeling a bit stuck and lost. Or it might just be a sense of “not feeling quite right”. Whatever it is, it’s valid.

My experiences, and having an understanding of them has made me more compassionate and able to work with the struggles of others. Don’t get me wrong, life can still feel challenging but knowing how I can support myself through it and knowing that I’m not alone in my struggles, helps massively on this journey. I want to help my clients to feel this way too. I truly believe that these experiences shape who we are and addressing them can be the making of us. They are nothing to be ashamed of. This is us. We are brave and we are bruised. We are all human. This is our common humanity. This is me.

A nice introduction to the importance of self-compassion can be found here. If you’d also like to find out a bit more about my qualifications and therapy approaches please click here.

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